i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
