And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
