3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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