Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
