he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
