oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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