can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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