as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
