I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
