Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looked like the before picture.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
