I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
