This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
