oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
