At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
