But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
