before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
