The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it hurts more in the daytime
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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