gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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