If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
