Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
