why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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