Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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