He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
