I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
