i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
