More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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