Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
