I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
