Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
