Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
