508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found the puke drawer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
