That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
