i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
