If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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