All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
