dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
