Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
