sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
