He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
