So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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