his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
