i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
