Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
