can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
