as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
