The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
