i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
