In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
