Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
