Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
