dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How's work?
Spinning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
