You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
